FINNERAN LANE

Early Morning Television Discoveries

  I've never been one to watch early - morning TV ; but - I woke up very early this Sunday , and couldn't get back to sleep. Bleary -eyed,coffee cup in hand , I turned the television on.

Rats ! A commercial !! ( I have a certain knack for turning the set on just in time for commercials .)

This commercial was for a - (Hmm...What should we call it ?) Male enhancement device - complete with some sort of ratty-looking squeeze bulb. It was, the announcer said , probably covered under Medicare.

Wow !  Talk about adding magic and romance to a relationship !!

(Click ! Next channel, please .)

What appeared was some sort of Japanese-looking black and white cartoon. (I believe they call it anime.)

Some schoolgirlish - looking character,wearing a tight-fitting uniform, was saying something in a high,stilted voice . Behind her , at the edge of the screen , there was a little label that said : ADULT - Swimsuit.

At this point,a severe-looking woman appeared at the left side of the screen,and began to harangue "Swimsuit Girl" : something about seizing control of her army.

(Enough, already ! Click  !!)

Next was an commercial for a "Treasury of Sacred Music" - sung by a woman with some sort of neck problems - judging by the way she kept shaking her head around.

( " Hit is no see-crit whut Gawd kin dew..."  Click !!!)

I blinked in disbelief at what popped up on the screen next.

It was another "info-mercial" : featuring a "brand new" product - offered by an over-eager pitchman to an over-enthusiastic " homemaker" . She cooed and exclaimed as he used it to remove dirt from a hardwood floor ; almost fainted with joy when, after pressing a lever on the machine, the pitchman succeeded in cleaning similar dirt from a carpet !

Wow !  A carpet sweeper !!

Virtually identical to the one my mother used to mutter about under her breath - back before  people had TV sets - and back before anyone had heard of the word  "info-mercial".

(Click ! I turned the set off altogether,and brooded for a while.)

Do many people watch early morning television ?

Is that why so many folks are downright hostile on the morning roadways ?

Above all, why was that lady in the carpet sweeper commercial so excited ?

Was she considering buying one of those "male enhancement devices" for her Significant Other ??????

You KNOW You're Getting Old and Crotchety When...

 

I discovered - while walking downstairs this morning - I had paused,and asked   myself : "Did you remember to do that ?" 

 Furthermore, I had answered : " Yes, I did." 

This led me to wonder - again aloud : " Why are you whispering ? "

This stumped me for a second, then I answered (still in a whisper) : " I didn't want anyone to hear me talking to myself."

" Makes sense to me ! ", I responded.

A bit later , while sipping my mid-morning coffee , a question occurred : Since I live alone , who did I think would hear me talking to myself ?

And-incidentally - what was it I had reminded myself of earlier ? What was so important ?

I looked at the toaster, the microwave, and the coffeepot-but they didn't seem to have any answers.

"Oh well. Guess it wasn't that important  after all !", I muttered.

Alligators are Yo-wur Friends ! (R-r-right !)

(Following Courtesy Ray Martone)

 

FOLLOWUP NOTE: The photos (which were here when I posted) no longer show; so: here are links to them

 

http://i468.photobucket.com/albums/rr50/mrmeangenes/gator3.jpg http://i468.photobucket.com/albums/rr50/mrmeangenes/gator2.jpg http://i468.photobucket.com/albums/rr50/mrmeangenes/gator1.jpg

The helicopter pilot and the game warden were in communication via radios; following is a transcript of their conversation: 'Air1, have you a visual on the gator?  Over.' 'Approaching inlet now; over.' 'Roger, Air1.' 'Gator sighted. Looks like it has a small animal in its mouth. Moving in; over.' 'Roger, Air1.' 'It's a deer!' 'Confirm, Air1!  Did you say 'deer'? Over.' 'Roger.  A deer in its mouth..  Looks like a full-sized buck.  That's a big gator!   We're gonna need more men. Over.' 'Roger, Air1. Can you give me a idea on size of animal?  Over.' 'It's big...25 feet at least.   Please advise; gator is heading to inlet.  Do I pursue?  Over.'     That has to be a HUGE gator to have a whole deer in its mouth! The deer was later found to be a mature stag and was measured at 11 feet! This alligator was found between Georgia and South Carolina  Game wardens were forced to shoot the alligator..guess he wouldn't cooperate. Anita and Charlie Rogers could hear the bellowing in the night. Their neighbors had been telling them that they had seen a mammoth alligator in the waterway that runs behind the Rogerses' house, but they dismissed the stories as exaggerations. 'I didn't bel ieve it,' Charles Rogers said ; however, they later realized the stories were, if anything, understated. Joe Goff, a 6'5' tall game warden, walks past the 28-foot, 1-inch alligator (8.5 metres) he shot and killed in the Rogerses' backyard.